HEARTLESS
I wasn't sure of what was going through. Did i make a mistake or really something else was disturbing you. I wanted to ask you, but u chose to keep silent. I wanted to read your silence but u chose to keep me away. I thought my presence was making you stronger but little did i know that my presence was the only thing which was making you weaker day by day.It was because of my presence that you wanted to quit your life, my presence left you in a guilt which couldn't help you do what you wanted to do. Your harsh words didn't hurt me, but even after saying those words when you still held your head high with pride, denying to agree what you did was wrong hurt more. Your sudden change in behavior hit me like a thunder bolt, words full of disrespect and ignorance, it pierced like a knife and my heart shed tears but you didn't even want to see them. I kept wondering was it only me who had to struggle to do something which will make you happy or was it everyone that you had been showing that you are full of sorrow and were mournful. I thought you would seek my help before anybody else's not because we shared a different bond from that we shared with others but because we had promised to be a team where if i needed your help i would ask for your hand and if ever you needed it i would give mine. But you refused to ask for my hand because you trusted others more than you should have trusted me. Not even a clue of what was wrong. Was it my mistake that i was giving you more importance than you should ever get or was i doing stuff which was really irritating or was i just over thinking. I kept giving you days to realize what had you done. Thinking that you will realize that your bad mood can turn into a good one very soon but the words you spoke will never get out of my head. And this would only make me heartless.It only made me think that was my timing wrong or was i really hard for someone to love.i wish you could only get to know that there could be the whole world ignoring me but if you do that, it was the hardest thing i could ever digest. May be one day you will realize how much i tried to save our bond and how much you tried to spoil it. I wish you could only know why i apologize.. Not because i am wrong everytime but because for me ending the matter is more important than ruining my relationship with you.Not letting you know even a bit of what's going in my head, was not my choice but it was your attitude and behavior which made me realize that what's going in my head is not as important for you as knowing what is going in your life is important for me. You chose not to let me in. May be you didn't want me to get tensed. May be you didn't want me to be sad. Or may be you just didn't want to tell me because you never felt like doing that. Loving or unloving, is something anyone could do but i wanted to be that 2am person of your life who could fix every thing just because i cannot see you sleep with a heavy heart. Every unsaid word, every unexpressed feeling is rushing day by day making me heartless. And its only because of you that my heart will not be able to give love and affection to someone who really needs it just because you are making it heartless.
I wasn't sure of what was going through. Did i make a mistake or really something else was disturbing you. I wanted to ask you, but u chose to keep silent. I wanted to read your silence but u chose to keep me away. I thought my presence was making you stronger but little did i know that my presence was the only thing which was making you weaker day by day.It was because of my presence that you wanted to quit your life, my presence left you in a guilt which couldn't help you do what you wanted to do. Your harsh words didn't hurt me, but even after saying those words when you still held your head high with pride, denying to agree what you did was wrong hurt more. Your sudden change in behavior hit me like a thunder bolt, words full of disrespect and ignorance, it pierced like a knife and my heart shed tears but you didn't even want to see them. I kept wondering was it only me who had to struggle to do something which will make you happy or was it everyone that you had been showing that you are full of sorrow and were mournful. I thought you would seek my help before anybody else's not because we shared a different bond from that we shared with others but because we had promised to be a team where if i needed your help i would ask for your hand and if ever you needed it i would give mine. But you refused to ask for my hand because you trusted others more than you should have trusted me. Not even a clue of what was wrong. Was it my mistake that i was giving you more importance than you should ever get or was i doing stuff which was really irritating or was i just over thinking. I kept giving you days to realize what had you done. Thinking that you will realize that your bad mood can turn into a good one very soon but the words you spoke will never get out of my head. And this would only make me heartless.It only made me think that was my timing wrong or was i really hard for someone to love.i wish you could only get to know that there could be the whole world ignoring me but if you do that, it was the hardest thing i could ever digest. May be one day you will realize how much i tried to save our bond and how much you tried to spoil it. I wish you could only know why i apologize.. Not because i am wrong everytime but because for me ending the matter is more important than ruining my relationship with you.Not letting you know even a bit of what's going in my head, was not my choice but it was your attitude and behavior which made me realize that what's going in my head is not as important for you as knowing what is going in your life is important for me. You chose not to let me in. May be you didn't want me to get tensed. May be you didn't want me to be sad. Or may be you just didn't want to tell me because you never felt like doing that. Loving or unloving, is something anyone could do but i wanted to be that 2am person of your life who could fix every thing just because i cannot see you sleep with a heavy heart. Every unsaid word, every unexpressed feeling is rushing day by day making me heartless. And its only because of you that my heart will not be able to give love and affection to someone who really needs it just because you are making it heartless.
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